Back tracking while moving forward

It seems like it may be impossible to do but it certainly feels like that has been my week. My to do list seems to be growing longer instead of shorter. Things are getting done but it feels like there is more to do. I know there really isn't more to do. The same amount that needs to be done has been there all along. I have just recently become aware, or brought back to conscious those things I had forgotten. Still, it feels a bit overwhelming.
One of the wisdom keepers in my life, who got it from one of hers, often reminds me that feelings aren't facts. I love that idea. Feeling are valid, certainly. But for me they often change and sometimes quickly. Here's to hoping that overwhelmed one changes soon.
And here's to doing what I know to do to change it, to refocus on what I can do. That sounds like I need to read ONE again.

TEN

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow,

It empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom

I can’t remember how many years ago I read Corrie Ten Booms’s book The Hiding Place. I do remember thinking, “How can anyone stay that positive, that focused?” I now find myself choosing to stay positive, choosing to stay focused on the good. I spend time thinking about how fortunate we are to live in a place where we have access to all we have. The miracles of medicine, the availability of clean water, the resources to eat healthy food.

My family doesn’t have lots of extras. People are often shocked when they find out we only own one television and it isn’t currently plugged in. The only gaming system in our house is what came loaded on our computer. In fact the stand alone game device we had was my husband’s Game Boy, unless you count the deck of cards in the drawer. But we are rich. We have freedom. We have access to doctors and dialysis. We have a vehicle that runs and the ability to travel. And we have friends and family that care about us. People that we want to go see and that are glad to see us.

When I choose to focus on the good around me, it is easy to see. When I get caught up in the frustration or the worry, I tend only to see the impossibilities and the pain. I do my best to choose a positive focus.

NINE

Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come;

Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.

The song Amazing Grace has always moved me. Sometimes certain voices push me over emotionally faster than others, but this song always gets me. Usually by verse three. Some days it feels like there are more dangers than others days. Some days I get caught in those snares or the toils seem to drag me down. I do my best when I recognize being in one of those spots to remind myself how far I have come.

I also make it a point to surround myself with people who can remind me how far I have come too. People who have come through their own and are willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with me.

I do my best to be that person for them too.

Which one do I need to be today and for whom?

I also do my best to say thank you. When I can remember to be in gratitude, I can focus on the good things happening in my life. I can see and celebrate the blessings and the lessons. When I get into the I wants and I wish, then all I tend to see are the toils and snares.

I’d rather focus on the Grace.

EIGHT

God,

I come into your presence this day asking that you will help me to have an open heart and a clear mind. Help me to be fully awake with every breath and present in every action. Clear away the fear and self-seeking that block me from your will and your care. Allow me to see that which you would have me do today and grant me the strength to carry it out. Let me not complain about that which I cannot control. Help me to seek to grow in understanding, to be changed and renewed so I may become that which you created me to be. In all my questions, help me to come first to you for inspiration. In gratitude for many blessings, help me to be generous with the talents you have given me.  

There is a prayer that some friends of mine use on a regular basis. It's good, but I wanted to write my own version of it, so I did. I guess it's my prayer for an ideal day. A day where I could do and be all those things I prayed would be pretty amazing. I am grateful when those days happen and I recognize them. I'm really grateful for the days when I remember to say this prayer at the beginning of the day. It gives a much better likelihood that it will happen. I have become okay with the short version on the days I forget until the last minute. 

Help.

That prayer works too.

SEVEN

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.

Be.

This saying is beautifully cross-stitched on a plaque in my friend's home. I love that it keeps bringing it smaller and closer. I need each and every line of it. 

Some days I need to stop and remember that He is God. That I am not God. That He is in charge and has a great plan and sees a bigger picture that I can't see.

Some days I need to recognize that I am present. That because I am present I am supposed to be here. Because I am here, I may have a task. I need to be mindful of that.

Some days I just need to be present. I just need to be here, to bring my presence here. That may be all that is required of me in this moment, to be present.

Some days I simply need to do nothing. That may be the best thing I can do. 

Some days I am elsewhere.

And all of those possibilities are all okay, especially if God is in charge.

If I'm in charge, we may be in trouble.

SIX

Dear God, Let me be content with who I am, what I have, and where you are leading me. Help me to have a mindset of confidence, courage, and thankfulness all day long. Amen

A mindset of confidence, courage, and thankfulness all day long. Sometimes it's hard to have that mindset for an hour let alone all day. 

Let me be content. Some days that is harder than anything else. I was taught to strive forward, to accomplish things. I have found places where being content is easier. The easiest place for me to be content is outside. 

I can sit in a place and listen. I can do it in the city but it's easier for me if I'm in some green space. I think it has to do with being connected to the earth. I'm better on dirt than on cement. I know it's different for others. I have a friend that is most content inside a church, especially if there is a cross to focus on. I have another that connects with fire, just a candle flame is enough but an outdoor fire is his favorite. 

There are some things happening today that will keep me inside so I am choosing to try focusing on a feather. When I can, I'll step outside, but while I'm  inside hopefully it will remind me to be focused on confidence, courage, and thankfulness.

Confidence that the best possible outcomes are being pursued. 

Courage that I am doing what I can and so are many others.

Thankfulness for all of those doing and praying for things to unfold in the best way possible.