THIRTEEN

“If you are stressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

When I stress out about something, it’s often because I am telling myself a story about how awful or horrible that thing is, how hard it is going to be to overcome or just get through. If I can pause and recognize that the story I am telling myself is not helping, then I can look at it with clear eyes and rational thoughts.

I have a storage building, not big, twelve by twenty feet. In it is almost everything we have moved out of a two-bedroom apartment. It’s a lot of stuff. My mother would say I am trying to store fifteen pounds of flour in a five-pound sack. Every time I went into this building, I felt horrible. I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything. I would allow my self-talk to turn to things like, “You must be some piece of work, can’t even organize a little building.”

When I finally recognized that the story I was telling myself wasn’t helping, I stopped it. I said, “Wait a minute. Just because I haven’t organized this small building of objects doesn’t make me a worthless person.” I revoked the power that I had given that unorganized pile. I took the power back. The building still needs work, but I no longer dread going in to get something. I also praise myself for accomplishing any amount of time I spend dealing with it instead of punishing myself because it still isn’t finished.

I have enough challenges in my life. I don’t need to give power to a pile of objects to make it any harder.